


Ready to die

by Jmo363



Category: NCIS
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:41:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24767125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jmo363/pseuds/Jmo363
Summary: I guess this is where I need a disclaimer about the characters not being my own and its true be because they definitely are not.
Relationships: Ziva David/Anthony DiNozzo
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I guess this is where I need a disclaimer about the characters not being my own and its true be because they definitely are not.

She's watching how the dust dances with the sun and she can't seem to look away. It's glaring...piercing...mezmorizing... And just like her inability to detach from this trance she's in, she knows that how she came to rest here, had nothing to do with free will. It doesn't matter though, she thinks, because perhaps all along this has always been her path. 

And now, feeling the hard gravel under her cheek she wonders, if under any other circumstances, would the cool touch be quite as soothing? Maybe. She's forcing slow and deliberate blinks now, trying to reset her focus and she's captivated by the way the sliver of light makes the dirt look as beautiful as falling snow. In this moment, the sight makes her forget about the menacing silence she's been so used to. She's willing her eyes to stay open to hold onto this peace...begs for solace...just for a little while longer, because every time she closes her eyes and prays for eternity, the brutal truth finds her and reminds her that she's not worthy, and that atonement cannot be hers, penance is everlasting, and mercy isn't guaranteed. The ray dissappears or unconsciousness claims her, of which she can't be certain, but the throbbing in her head and the spear of sunlight penetrating her eyelids, makes her believe that once again falling into oblivion was never going to be her choice. She's never lucky enough to forget where she is when she wakes. Orientation is her enemy and now all of her senses have returned. The constant metallic taste in her mouth would make her vomit if there were any contents left to spare. The smell of rotting flesh and feces is most likely permanently ingrained into her brain and has pushed all that is pleasant, from her memory. Sheworries herself at that putrid smell. Something she believes is familiar and oh... now she realizes finally, that it's the stench of fluids she knows is not hers...And God at that, a sudden retch made the bile eat at her esophagus and tears threatened to fall. Death has never looked so rewarding. Closing her eyes, she recites Viduy in her native language asking God to grant her peace in passing.


	2. Chapter 2

She has no idea how long she was out for. It must have been a while because she's able to sit up now. Her head still throbs but not with the intensity she remembers. 

She takes stock of her injuries. She cant see them but knows the deep gashes in her back are most likely infected by now judging by the look of her shirt every time its removed from her body. Her back no longer bleeds it oozes. She's positive her wrist is fractured as well as her right orbital bone and multiple ribs on both sides. The cattle prod they've been using has definitely branded her someone's property but she'll never know which monster she belongs to since they scar her between her legs in the same spot everytime. The mutilation is humiliating but it doesn't compare to the blinding pain she feels when they violently enter her just after searing her delicate skin. She chooses not to look at the damage; she knows it's there. And now a nauseating feeling settles in because she knows the ache she has right now tells her she was not off limits to those disgusting pigs while she was unconscious. There's definitely a fresh injury because they used her lifeless body to quench their sadistic sexual thirst. It's just like those bastards. It's just like them to brutalize her until she's within an inch of her life, leaving her to embrace death, but then letting her just be... long enough to avoid death so that she can live to be attacked, tortured, degraded all over again. 

At this point she no longer believes that it is information they want. That quest was abandoned weeks ago. She is sure that when this is all over, evidence of her torture will be available for everyone to see. They'll make her an example; maybe by a public beheading. With that, her family will witness her final moments.. Or maybe they've been recording her screams and pleas all this time, or worse... videotaping the dehumanizing rapes. She wonders who they'll send her head to and prays it's her father and that her surrogate family is spared the horror. Although they parted badly, she's sure they'd never choose to see her in such a way. It's funny how now there's no doubt in her mind who would suffer the most with her torture and death. Why couldn't she see this clearly when she was face to face with truth back in Isreal after Michael's death. It didn't feel right then, but she allowed the deceit. Perhaps forcing herself back then, to acknowledge that all she'd ever be to her father is a strategy, was far too devastating. Now that things are crystal clear, attempting to preserve the simple belief that others thought she was worth something, was a grave mistake. And the fact is...the very people she hurt the most, proved time and time again, that they believed she was worth something.


End file.
